I have issues!

It has been a week of school now…and for the most part I have stuck to my goals; I may not be up at the same time everyday but I am up by 7am and that is progress for me. It is against everything I have ever done-unless I had to work. But I must admit I get more done and I feel like I have accomplished something every day. The sun shining every day for the last week has helped quite a bit with this and I hope I can make this a habit before the clouds and rain appear. Another thing that I have done pretty well with is getting back to better eating habits…I can’t say I don’t jump off the wagon at full speed every once in a while but I would 80% of the time I am eating properly and watching portions. What a difference it makes in my attitude and self esteem. I don’t know why I am so caught up in my weight- I can’t think of a time in my life where I wasn’t concerned about it…I maybe didn’t do anything about it but it was always on my mind. It is kind of a consuming thing but not nearly as bad when I am eating the way I should. It’s all about moderation and self control as with everything in this life is. I wish those two things came naturally to me but they don’t so I continue to try over and over again. So why I am I writing this…well the kids going to school has brought back so many memories and well I realize I have had these same problems well…since I can remember. Does it ever go away? I guess they just make me who I am and these are issues I am always going to have to battle. I can either go into the battle with a good attitude or a bad one… the latter will make it more bearable.
Another issue that I have been constantly thinking about is that of “relationships.” I must admit, and those who know me know this, I am fiercely loyal. As a youth I realize loyalty in my eyes, was more of obsession in others’ eyes. Yikes! How embarrassing. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t stalkerish-or was I?? But I have to say I had a hard time moving on, dealing with change, giving my time to other activities and why? Because I was afraid if I wasn’t available at the drop of a hat for my friends they wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. Pathetic…isn’t it! I didn’t realize this of course at the time. In fact I am just realizing it. Some friends knew this about me, even before me, and yet they were still my friends. Well maturity and self esteem has grown with me and these things are learning tools for the rest of my life and yet I know my children will have to learn them on their own. I only hope I can let them experience without the heartache that I experienced. But still I am loyal- it’s a loyalty that is now healthy. My friends that I had back then, for the most part, are still my friends. I don’t have to be around them constantly. I don’t have to talk to them daily. I don’t have to know what they are doing at all times but I do have to know they are loved, cared for, and healthy. The same goes with the friends I have now! Once you are my friend, you are always my friend. You have captured a part of my heart that never goes away. While you may take different roads, you may find different friends, but no matter what “I will always love you!” You know who you are—don’t forget it. Life may allow us to be in each other’s lives at another time or maybe memories will be all we have. I am happy with my life and wouldn’t want it any other way- I have learned, I have grown. I will continue to be fiercely loyal to all who come into my life and make it better. Thanks to you for “having patience with me” and allowing me to grow and learn in your presence. We make each other strong and we will meet in the eternities knowing we each had a purpose in the others life. Until then…you are always in my heart. Thanks for the memories-past, present, and future.