DayDreaming!

Ok so I started writing my thoughts and this is what I came up with-- It's a bit long but it's my thoughts! Enjoy!

My List

I remember as a teenager dreaming of what it would be like when I got married. Maybe I am an oddball but that one thought alone occupied many of my daydreams. Of course along with those day dreams comes “the list”; the qualities I am looking for in a spouse. Growing up in a household centered on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel made the first three characteristics very easy. He must be a member of our church, he must be living worthy of the promises he made at baptism and he must be able to take me to the temple. Those qualities alone were all encompassing of my dream prince. Marriage would be “happily ever after” if he lived up to those things. The rest of the list contained traits such as a sense of humor, athletic, good with kids, good communicator, so on and so forth. What parents and leaders fail to say is these qualities only get you started. They don’t tell you that ten years into marriage you have to remember that you got what you asked for even if it is not what you thought it would be, they don’t tell your husband is not you and while he may have every one of those qualities they are not what you ever imagined. Case and point, I asked for someone who was athletic. In my mind I was imagining watching him play basketball or baseball on a team, cheering for my well built, main squeeze ,which is what it was when we were dating, however ten years later the athleticism is an occasional pickup game at the church that I have to shove him out the door for so he won’t play on the computer or want to watch whatever game it is on television that night and interrupt my line up of shows for the evening. The athleticism that I so wanted now comes in the form of fall football games, spring training and a lengthy season of baseball, and keeping up on the stats of every player from every team so he can have a detailed conversation with the guys about what team has a better chance of making it to the play offs that season. Oh, and the sense of humor. I imagined sitting around telling embarrassing stories growing up, watching a good comedy, and frequently finding things about life in general to laugh about in our “happily ever after kingdom.” Well they don’t tell you that the male species finds burping and farting funny to the point of teaching it to your children so they can do it in public and then laugh about it this quality alone leads to him being a big hit with the kids so there is another trait that I can mark off on my checklist the only thing is the don’t tell you he is a kid himself, which is why he is so good with the kids. Yes, my husband is a member of the church, he had kept his covenants at baptism and was able to take me to the temple and yes, that one fact alone makes our marriage a little easier nevertheless they don’t tell you that men don’t prepare lessons when they are suppose to teach for primary, priesthood or Sunday school- they just wing it. They do say prayers and read scriptures but doing it together is just too much for them to suggest. Oh and family home evenings- what’s that? Unless, of course there’s dessert, I know, I know I sound like I am complaining but really this is all leading up to a life lesson because while those qualities on my list were not exactly what I expected, I can only imagine how way off his list of qualities were for me. Okay, we already know his top three qualities, good looking, good mother, oh and she needs to be able to marry in the temple. First off, when we got married I have to admit I was in the prime of my life- I looked good- well at least better than I did for the next 10 years. I am sure I had my flaws- I could point them out to the detail but he was happy. However, I am sure he wasn’t prepared for the weight gain, the Saturday morning lounging around in my flannel pajamas, the ugly binging on oreos and ice cream with no care of what I was doing to my body, and the days I rolled out of bed at noon and wasn’t concerned with what I looked like. He especially could not have been prepared for what it was like when children came along. He had no clue that being a mom to children meant that I became his mom too. When are you going to be home, where are you going, are you eating those cookies before dinner, please do those dishes, when was the last time you cleaned your room? Oh, the list goes on and on. Of course, I could go through the temple with him but that was the easy part- now it was reminding him that he made that choice and he can’t take it back. My poor husband! I guess what I am getting at lists have their place but don’t expect them to be exactly what you ask for. Daydreaming is just what it entails, a dream- it won’t happen right away but if you keep on enduring you might have a chance in the eternities. Over the years and continuing on in the years to come I just remind myself that marriage is about giving. I need to give and give and give- without expecting anything in return. That’s a hard thing to do because the world wants to teach us that giving is only about receiving something in return. Now granted, I receive things but the trick is to realize it may not be what I expected but it is always something I needed. So now my list changes and 10 years from now I reserve the right to made more changes but here is my list now. Of course at the top of my list: that I can remain worthy to take my husband to the temple, that I can have a sense of humor-even when it is not necessarily appropriate, that I can become the kind of athletic my husband needs me to be, that I can be supportive of my husband so he can be a worthy priesthood holder, and that I can take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that my husband can know I care about myself and about him. Funny thing is that when I do these things not only does he get his list fulfilled but I benefit from it too. It’s amazing how giving leads to bigger and better things than you can imagine. However I am not clueless, I am still a woman and I will still dream about my selfish list, a husband who cleans (other than the dishes) without having to ask. Someone who shoves me out the door to go out with girlfriends, see a movie, to go shopping without me having to ask for permission or feel like I am putting him out. Someone who actually talks instead of listens and at the same time can open up to me about his deepest, innermost thoughts---oh the list goes on but I can’t take away from the giving so I will end my daydream here and come back to reality. I love my husband, he loves me, we love our children, yessirree, they love us and so you see, we are a happy family.