Decisions! Decisions!

I love going to school at the University of Washington! I love everything about it. I love that I am learning new things. I love that I get to be around adults who are in school because they want to be. I love that we have stimulating conversations that allow me to think outside of the box. I love the drive there that gives me 2 complete hours (there and back) to myself. I can listen to books on tape, my own music, have quiet, talk on the phone- the time is my own. I love that taking classes keeps me moving forward in a direction of my own. So, with that being said a decision has been on my horizon for- well longer than I want to admit. I have been taking classes every quarter for 5 quarters now and it has been spectacular. However, starting at the beginning of last quarter, a thought kept occuring to me- can I do school and keep my kids my priority. Granted, i am an important person in that equation and school definitely makes me a better person and individual but my kids are first at this point in my life. Anyway, this quarter ended with a 3.7 on my final paper-which is incredible- and i found myself putting off registering for the next quarter- it is an expense that is not easy to put out and since I am not even considered part-time i can't get any loans, financial aid, scholarships, grants (I think you get the point). I was speaking with David and he is incredibly supportive of me going to school but his concerns financially speaking were voiced- I had been in denial of them. We have both been praying about it but I know the decision is ultimately mine. (He would never take that away from me and would always find a way to make it work.) This was a few weeks ago and I have been agonizing over what to do. I have been on my knees in prayer and truly have been pondering all the reasons for and against. There are so many good reasons for both. However, my ultimate decision has come about in a quiet manner over the last few days. Decisions are always difficult for me- but there have been very few excruciatingly difficult ones that I can think of. This was one of them and looking back it is difficult because its an answer that I have known but didn't want to admit. In fact, thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart heavy, yet in the midst of it- I feel at peace knowing it is the right decision. I must take a year or two off, at least until Nicholas is in school, so that I can continue to make my family and children, my priority. Next year Nicholas will be the only child home and i need to make sure I put him first. This is such a crucial age for each of my kids and they need to know that nothing comes between me and my relationship with them. I know the time for school will come again--soon--when I can go to school full time and graduate at the same time I would be if i continued taking one class at a time. I know this decision will bless the life of my family and more importantly, ME! It is hard moving forward in faith, not knowing how it will all turn out but knowing that it will! I will however take this time to read some of the books that are assigned in the upcoming classes i will take. That will help me to that much more ahead when i start back. So while this has been a difficult decision I know it is the correct one- at this time. I am so thankful for the knowledge i have of having a Father in Heaven who loves me, knows me as an individual and wants the best for me. That through prayer I can recieve personal revelation from Him that blesses my life and life of my family.